In this moment, I am deeply humbled. I don't mean that I dropped to my knees in a blubbering heap because something big and powerful struck me. What happened took many years, tears, failures, painful conversations with friends, lost and lonely babblings to God. It's hard for me to even see where today's humbling began. I suppose it's all just one big story and the illusion that my life is linear is just an attempt to fit my big, big God into my small, small limited ability to understand.
The more I look back at my life, the more I see that my spiritual journey started long before I was aware of what was happening. I keep seeing flashes of my life that were planted seeds bringing me here, to this moment. I woke up this morning from one of those nights where God rearranges a stubborn old belief that I have turned over to him. He rearranges some line of thinking so it more closely matches what He wants for me. And He can only do that while I am sleeping. If the problem is deep and very ingrained, He will usually work on me during my longer nightly sleep. But sometimes He'll get me to take a nap. Recently, I was on fire the second I opened my eyes with a very clear and direct order from God. It was two fold, one was about getting over my cheap self at work and the other was about writing a blog so he could use it to help other people. I don't plan on selling advertising or SEO or any of that crap because God doesn't need that stuff. He just needed me to write it down.