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What to do with my disgusting self?

Updated: Oct 6, 2021

I woke up this morning with my will just fighting against every piece of humility in me. I want to control, run my mouth, and force my version of justice on the world. What happened? How did this happen? Did I do something wrong? Did I do something or not do something that took me off the beam? I'm frustrated that I feel so powerless. I can pray and ask God for help, but if I lack humility, it won't work. What did I do? I prayed for humility, I prayed that God would take this from me so I could go back to being useful to him and my fellows. I even asked in humility. I have no idea where that little speck of humility came from since my strong will elbowed out all I had left. The only thing to do is pray, turn it over and wait. But what if I create wreckage before he fixes me? I'm angry and frustrated that my husband isn't fulfilling the expectations I have for him. I know better than that!!! What happened to my newfound deeper trust that I have in Jesus? That went away overnight. Seriously?

Well, I realized later that evening that God works in God's time. At some point during the day, my funk went away. Of course God came through and did for me what I could not do myself. Next time I will try to remember that all I need is to trust in him and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust that he will provide, according to his will and in his timing, which is perfect.

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